Dating was so much easier when you were younger. It seemed pretty basic. You liked them; they liked you. You dated—end of the story. There weren’t personality tests or compatibility scores. You didn’t have to answer thousands of questions before asking someone out. You tried your luck and hoped for the best. Now that you’re in your 30s, however, it doesn’t seem so simple. It seems like no matter how hard you try; you keep coming up short in the relationship department.
So what gives?
Unfortunately, dating in your 30s isn’t necessarily harder; it’s just more complicated. After all, when you’re trying to find love as an established adult, you don’t seem to have the same connections as when you were younger. It seems like everyone has a partner, and the single ones, only want to play mind games. On top of that, your chance to connect with a potential partner typically fades off as you get older too. That’s because you lose those candid opportunities to connect with someone at social gatherings. School events are no longer an option; you don’t hang out with big groups of friends; social events are seldomly occurring, and you don’t meet people as effortlessly.
Everyone’s Been Through a Bad Breakup Already
When you first start dating, sweet innocence fills your head about how things are going to progress. You both start hopeful, positive, and encouraged, believing you’ve found your partner in crime. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way for people. If you’re trying to date in your thirties, there’s a good chance the people you’re connecting with have had their share of hurt, heartbreak, and bad relationships. For most, using these failed relationships as a learning opportunity is a healthy way to manage the prior pain. For others, holding on to the negative actions and bringing them into future dating environments sets everyone up for failure.
Settling for Less Than You Deserve
We’ve all been there. You find the perfect potential partner. They seem lovely; they’re funny, intelligent, independent, and attractive. After a few dates, you start noticing a few red flags. Instead of acknowledging the flags, you decide that they’re issues you’re willing to work through down the road. After all, we all have problems. This mindset of creating the ideal partner is unfair to both your prospective partner and you. It’s important to date someone for who they are in that moment, not who they might (or might not) become in the future.
Being Clear with Your Expectations
If you’re looking to find love, make that abundantly clear to anyone you’re dating. Ask them about what they’re looking for as well. Pay attention to phrases like, “see what’s out there” or “not ready to settle down just yet,” as these people just want company. Being candid about your interests, goals, and dreams is another critical deciding factor, especially in your thirties. While you may be looking to settle down and have a family, others may have moved past that time in their lives.
Likewise, someone wanting to date around and just enjoy life needs to feel comfortable expressing this too. There’s nothing wrong with wanting just to have a few nights out or enjoy someone’s company, as long as they’re aware of your intentions. For those wishing to find a mutually beneficial relationship, consider a platform like SugarDaddy.com. Sugar relationships are perfect for someone wanting to indulge in new experiences. A sugar daddy often enjoys bringing financial perks to his partner in exchange for time, company, relationships, or another mutually agreed upon dynamic. It may be the perfect solution for someone wanting to have the occasional night out without having to wade through the standard dating apps.
Stop Jumping Ahead of Where You’re At
There’s a strong desire to jump through relationship milestones at an accelerated rate for many singles in their thirties. For some, feeling like time is running out is a powerful motive. For others, mistaking infatuation for love is often the culprit. Experts believe it takes between four to six months to truly get to know someone. When you’re in the early stages of a relationship (or dating), you’re less likely to see the unedited version of someone. That’s because they’re likely trying to impress you. But it can give you a false sense of security in your relationship too. Make sure you slow down the dating process and take the time and energy to uncover who a person is before making long-term commitments you hate.
Get Used to Ghosting… It’s Nothing Personal
Long gone are the days of saying good-bye, especially as online technology makes disappearing so much easier. When you’re dating in your thirties, there’s a heavy reliance on technology and dating apps. As serial dating (seeing multiple people simultaneously) takes over, simply blocking or disappearing isn’t uncommon. While many agree this practice is rude, it’s essential to take it in stride. After all, it’s not a reflection of you; it’s on them. For some, simply disappearing is easier than admitting there isn’t a connection. It can seriously hurt when that individual is someone you’ve grown to care about, but it’s becoming more frequent in the online dating world.
Stop Trying to Force It
While we’d all like to find the right partner, settling for less than we deserve, overlooking red flags, tolerating poor communication styles, and pushing a relationship that isn’t healthy isn’t the right way to date. Let the dynamic form naturally and without expectation when first starting out. It’s the easiest way to find the most compatible match long-term.